Craport for two – and other horrific MLS waste

I’m back this week with more MLS and real estate ad bloopers; and a few of them will bring tears to your eyes. Some of these agents are either in too much of a hurry, or too dumb to waste air. But who am I to judge…I once signed a letter, “Best retards, Gwen.” I am sure my client thought that said it all. Thanks to Dick Beals of Wilmington, NC for his great contribution. Proof or goof, friends. Check these out:

Haste Makes “Waste”

“Craport for two” (Great – an outhouse for the Olsen twins.)

“Peas don’t be early” (Peas don’t be a moron.)

“Must go pass target” (Not if I aim straight…and you don’t duck.)

“All guesses welcome” (My guesses that you’ve had a lobotomy.)

“Extra long dive” (Thank you and your Speedo, Michael Phelps.)

“Deck with BBQ above garbage” (What could be more tempting than maggots on a burger?)

“Has major retrofat” (So does my retro a__.)

More Bull

“Nice vestedbulle” (Nothing says Ole’  like a bull in a Brooks Brothers suit.)

“Lots of hand cut in den” (Lots of big stitches in E.R.)

“Sit down w/ owner & work pout” (I tried that, but my seller still won’t give me his Jag as a bonus.) 

“Nice polish wood” (Have you tried their sausages?)

“No much energy use” (Is that why your brain won’t fire?)

“House close to chuck” (Your spelling is close to up-chuck)

“New gutters & screams” (…Just another night in the Hollywood Hills.)

My Pick ‘o The Week:

“Seller very faxible” (But how do you squeeze him into the document feeder?)