It’s Un-Real Estate, folks…
and just when you thought you heard ‘em all…
How About These Marketing Strategies!
- Kids Play Rum (And agent apparently drinks it.)
- Main house and carnage house. ( Bugsy Siegel must have lived there.)
- Home Made Hiney rolls served (Do I get Wipes with that?)
- Two minutes to Strip (Can you buy me dinner first?)
- Club foot tub (Getting those special shoes on the tub must have been a killer.)
- Sheik contemporary (A modern house in Dubai?)
- New pole in back yard for outdoor fun (Must be the Bunny Ranch.)
- Bring your fuzziest clients (Including your hairy mother.)
- Special tanks to those who donate. (Wouldn’t an AK-47 suffice?)
- Beautiful Sanitarium for Sunny mornings. (Electro-shock anyone?)
- Major stone coming to the neighborhood. (Ouch, that will be hard to pass.)
- Newer constriction. (Try a colonic.)
- Own a piece of heathen. (Ah…the Bunny Ranch again…)
- House rises above the street. (The David Copperfield Estate.)
- New cemen driveway ( I’ll bet it’s near the Bunny Ranch)
More Kinky and Quirky:
- Private Studo above garage. (How convenient – give him my number!)
- Large dick for entertaining (Hmmm, does this belong to Studo?)
- Dog runs on one side (Maybe he only has 2 legs)
- Built in stereo and TB (Is this the house with the sanitarium?)
- Bogus room downstairs (Can I submit a bogus offer?)
- Room for bunker beds (Archie and Edith lived here.)
- Seasonal creep runs alongside the road (Is his name, Studo?)
- Stoned patio. (Someone Bogarted that joint.)
- Statutes in garden (Was this a law library?)
- Owen doesn’t work. (Kick his butt to the curb… Then call Studo.)
- EZ access for mountn sports (An elevator to Studo’s pad above the garage?)
Rede Twice, Use Spell Czech, and Lern Englesh
- “Dance andf art studio” (For classically trained farters)
- Disclosure: Pet ceminary nearby. (For pets going into the ministry.)
- New lightening in pool area (That’s a killer deal!)
- Submit with FUCO scores. (Because this is a FUCO house?)
- Proof of funs needed (Isn’t the pole out back proof enough?)
- Low interest rats (Vermin that are bored easily)
- Seller is a crapenter (He obviously does sh—y work!)
- Rod in bedroom goes with seller, so please don’t ask. (Don’t flatter yourself, Studo!)
- Diamond in the Ruff (Well, pump the poor dog’s stomach!)
- Bar-B-Q Pet in Back Yard (Apparently Ruff didn’t survive.)
- Looking for Hot Buyers (Ugly folks need not apply.)
- Big yard with “squirls and Rabies.” (Sellers frothing at the mouth to make a deal?)
- Comes with dick and dingy (Sean Penn and Jessica Simpson?)
- Drawing for Special Prixe (You ain’t that special, Studo.)
And This Week’s Favorite:
- Kids Play Rum (And agent apparently drinks it.)
- Main house and carnage house. ( Bugsy Siegel must have lived there.)
- Home Made Hiney rolls served (Do I get Wipes with that?)
- Two minutes to Strip (Can you buy me dinner first?)
- Club foot tub (Getting those special shoes on the tub must have been a killer.)
- Sheik contemporary (A modern house in Dubai?)
- New pole in back yard for outdoor fun (Must be the Bunny Ranch.)
- Bring your fuzziest clients (Including your hairy mother.)
- Special tanks to those who donate. (Wouldn’t an AK-47 suffice?)
- Beautiful Sanitarium for Sunny mornings. (Electro-shock anyone?)
- Major stone coming to the neighborhood. (Ouch, that will be hard to pass.)
- Newer constriction. (Try a colonic.)
- Own a piece of heathen. (Ah…the Bunny Ranch again…)
- House rises above the street. (The David Copperfield Estate.)
- New cemen driveway ( I’ll bet it’s near the Bunny Ranch)
More Kinky and Quirky:
- Private Studo above garage. (How convenient – give him my number!)
- Large dick for entertaining (Hmmm, does this belong to Studo?)
- Dog runs on one side (Maybe he only has 2 legs)
- Built in stereo and TB (Is this the house with the sanitarium?)
- Bogus room downstairs (Can I submit a bogus offer?)
- Room for bunker beds (Archie and Edith lived here.)
- Seasonal creep runs alongside the road (Is his name, Studo?)
- Stoned patio. (Someone Bogarted that joint.)
- Statutes in garden (Was this a law library?)
- Owen doesn’t work. (Kick his butt to the curb… Then call Studo.)
- EZ access for mountn sports (An elevator to Studo’s pad above the garage?)
Rede Twice, Use Spell Czech, and Lern Englesh
- “Dance andf art studio” (For classically trained farters)
- Disclosure: Pet ceminary nearby. (For pets going into the ministry.)
- New lightening in pool area (That’s a killer deal!)
- Submit with FUCO scores. (Because this is a FUCO house?)
- Proof of funs needed (Isn’t the pole out back proof enough?)
- Low interest rats (Vermin that are bored easily)
- Seller is a crapenter (He obviously does sh—y work!)
- Rod in bedroom goes with seller, so please don’t ask. (Don’t flatter yourself, Studo!)
- Diamond in the Ruff (Well, pump the poor dog’s stomach!)
- Bar-B-Q Pet in Back Yard (Apparently Ruff didn’t survive.)
- Looking for Hot Buyers (Ugly folks need not apply.)
- Big yard with “squirls and Rabies.” (Sellers frothing at the mouth to make a deal?)
- Comes with dick and dingy (Sean Penn and Jessica Simpson?)
- Drawing for Special Prixe (You ain’t that special, Studo.)
And This Week’s Favorite:
Thanks again to the MLS, the LA Times, the New York Times, and LA Magazine for your unwitting contributions.
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Consumerism, Geo-mapping columnist
Marketing columnist
Tell the truth. Is this stuff real or do you make it up?
Oh no – this has to be real! Gwen just has the uncanny ability to see the humor in it all and bring it together. I just love these and after this week, it was a welcome and needed time to sit and laugh out loud.
Thanks again, Gwen, for sharing your wonderful sense of humor:)
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Gwen – Another awesome post from you. I fear one day I might show up in your posts. It is my biggest fear in life (surpassing maggots I have to tell you – and I’m really freaking out by them).
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Hi Ken – Thanks for thinking I’m smart enough to make this stuff up. I’m not…but I certainly am that bent!
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Thanks so much, Paula. I collect these stories, but I obviously can’t confirm every story an agent tells me. Some of them are so vivid they remain in my head like a story catalogue, whereas others I jot down everywhere. Recently my assistant asked me if I was having problems with my oven. She was reading a note on the back of a listing sheet that referenced the “Owen doesn’t work” comment. Since I began this blog, the stories keep flooding in. Now, of course, I am constantly looking. Let me know if you see anything and I’ll add it to the “Poopular List.” have a great weekend.
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Actually, Matt, you were the entire inspiration for the pancake post. I have shown up in my own posts, but I try not to admit which blunders are mine. Knowing your great sense of humor, I’m sure you’ll have more tales for me to record. I’m right with you there on that maggot thing, however. Actually, I did hear a story that involved maggots, and it was perversely funny, but I was too freaked out to write it. I can’t do the rat-thing either. My next blog involves animal chaos at open houses, but I had to leave out the aforementioned offenders. I have a hard enough time sleeping as it is! Thanks so much for your ongoing support. I hope you have a wonderful, larva-free weekend.
Ha ha, ‘larva-free weekend’…
Nice work Gwen. Whenever I see your posts, I get an email ready to pass the URL around the office. keep ‘em comin’.
Gwen, did you know laughter is good for the body ? Releases endorphins…I always get mine released when I read your posts.
Your take on this is just as funny.
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You are the smart one, Missy – your posts are great. I’m just the smartass. But every classroom needs a jester, so thanks for the support!