It’s unbelievable to think that we placed 3 properties in escrow this week by being obnoxious. Yes you read right, OBNOXIOUS! You know those agents that you avoid like the plague because they are difficult and have egos and it seems like showing one of their listings can be similar to an obstacle course?
Well….maybe we can learn something from them. By following these simple instructions, you may find yourself in route to success!
- don’t be accessible (by responding quickly to telephone calls you will show weakness)
- don’t be flexible (cooperation is for wusses)
- It’s all about you, not them (time to be selfish people!)
- be difficult (could have thought of another adjective….but this one will do)
- take your time (make them wait! HA!)
- don’t communicate (sometimes silence can be your best friend)
- be arrogant (as if there was a choice)
- be condescending (this one comes natural to me)
- be aloof (this will create curiosity)
- be incompetent (make them ask for information several times before giving in)
- make them mad (this is always a great strategy to achieve your goals)
Don’t follow mainstream activities and believe that we’re in a real estate market where buyers are supposed to have control and sellers are supposed to show flexibility – stand up for yourself and demand respect! The results will surprise you!
**disclosure: high degree of sarcasm is evident in this article – please skip this article if you don’t have a sense of humor. Our disagreeable business practices don’t represent that of agent genius, its sponsors or writers and we reserve the right to like or dislike people without warning, unless of course you bribe me with a mojito. We like to “keep it real”, we use Real Estate Shows, think Moo Mini Cards totally Rock and have even bought shoes from Zappos (the nerve) **
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Aha – you’ve been selling homes with the old guard here in Augusta, I see!! they also:
- pretend to have hearing problems
- develop selective amnesia
- talk openly about “those people”
- use the 1974 version of real estate forms
- refuse to use lockboxes
- remove your sign if their buyer client shows any interest in your listing
- develop selective amnesia
Mojito!
Navy Chief, Navy Pride
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Ines – In the interest of making you an even better agent, I’d like to suggest that you only fill out half the offer, I mean who really cares about the details anyway?
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lol
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Joe – “selective amnesia” is KEY!! how could I forget that one
Matt and Benn – cracking up over here
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Ines – Sad thing is, it’s from real life experience. Agent of 19 years sent me an offer (on an out of date form I might add) – couldn’t even bother to select checkboxes. Forget the details such as info about earnest money and financing – like I said, just details!), but checkboxes? Of course, my seller laughed hysterically at the offer (in terms of price), but I told him that even if we wanted to accept the offer, we couldn’t – because it wasn’t even a complete offer. Sad when the new guy can call you out on a poorly written offer.
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@ines, i can’t believe your nerve. how dare you write something like this? and how dare you mention the name of a company that you like? i just can’t believe this… LMAO!!!
Great article, Ines- this really made my morning!
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Matt – incomplete offers are part of our business. I cannot remember the last time I received a fully executed and complete offer where I didn’t have to go back to the agent to tell them there were forms/signatures/disclosures missing. It’s more of a shock to get a good one than not.
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Ines – It’s so sad that you actually had to make that comment. Filling in an offer might be one of the easiest parts of the job. If you get that wrong, I have to question how you (them…not you) perform the rest of your agent functions.
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you mentioned Zappos, here we go again…
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and Ben – if the Zappos guys feel the need to reward me for the mention……I will welcome them with open arms……I do love my shoes!
I loved it when one of those @#%$ responded to a question by asking me if the ink on my license was dry yet. I wasn’t aware he had me on his office’s speakerphone.
Though he apparently didn’t appreciate my response, his staff collectively wet their pants.
Keep the sarcasm comin’.
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Please tell us what you said Jeff – pretty please?
Sorry, no ca do. It was way over the top, and not something I’d normally say. I will tell ya his dad was mentored by my dad, who was taught how to call FSB0’s by listening to me do it when I was just 18.
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You forgot Don’t Do a CMA just put a price that the seller wants.
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I am fluent in sarcasm … I could have been a Realtor!
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Jim …what the seller wants? NO WAY!! it’s what the agent wants! LOL
Brandie….it’s not too late! (to think that I am also fluent in sarcasm and in 2 languages!)
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Ines – If I remember correctly though, Sarcasm is your first language….correct?
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Now that I think about it – it is my first and second language!
Brilliant – sarcasm rules!
What is really sad about this is that it is a) so true and b) so universal.
I forgot the be all end all “never sign your name to any contracts – just have your clients sign or ask the other agent to sign your name for you”
omg I am laughing out loud right now!! I also love Joe’s additions about the Old Gaurd in Augusta. I think we have ALL dealt with these agents before…too funny!!
There needs to be another one in there about NOT USING OR RESPONDING TO EMAIL…
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Louise – you know just what buttons to push, don’t you?
Lol, it’s a fine line to walk, Ines!!!
You must have taken lessons while you were in Phila. Thtas how everyone does it here